XIV. Pregnant?

Making Baby Mettler

Trigger warning: blood.

The week after we got a positive pregnancy test… there was blood. Not a little amount. I was sure I was having a miscarriage. I texted the three people I had told that it was positive that I was having a miscarriage and that I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

The next morning I called the doctors office and they told me to come in for a blood test and then again two days later to see if the pregnancy was progressing, or if I was having a miscarriage. The first blood test came back that I was still pregnant according to my HCG levels, but that that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t start to decline if the bleeding meant I was miscarrying. (This happened to Steph when we were trying with her, but her levels were way lower initially) We didn’t tell anyone anything at this point. We just holed up in bed and cried & pretty much wallowed in our sorrows for 2 days.

On Wednesday (3 days post bleeding), I went in for my second blood test at 8am, and then we waited around for that phone call to tell us what our next steps were going to be. That afternoon at 3:30pm, the phone rang, and we both just stared at it. We weren’t sure if we were ready to hear what they had to say. And then just before it went to voicemail, I answered the call. My numbers had beyond tripled. I was still VERY pregnant!

I asked about the blood and the doctor explained that that was way more common than most people know. She told me to double my progesterone to twice/day (oh joy) and that I would come back in exactly two weeks for my 7 week ultrasound. And as long as everything was good with that, they would release me to my gynecologist.

Those 2 weeks were EXCRUCIATING! There was spotting for a few more days, and I was paranoid to say the least. Every little twinge or cramp sent my brain everywhere. Not to mention, the Progesterone prevents you from showing signs of a miscarriage and actually keeps you from getting a period most of the time. Poor Steph, I of course filled her in about everything that happened throughout the day, which made her just as paranoid while she was trying to be as supportive as possible.

The night before the ultrasound, I didn’t sleep at all! I was so nervous that I’d get there, there wouldn’t be a heartbeat, and I’d be in there all alone when it happened. Covid SUCKS.

The morning of the ultrasound, we got in the car, and I tried to keep my head together and just keep from crying. I walked inside, laid down on the table, Facetimed Steph, Dr. Jaffe walked in and started my Ultrasound. The second it started, there was a loud and clear heartbeat on the screen and speakers. My heart about jumped out of my chest, and both of us sat there in amazement (Steph on Facetime) that this was our baby.

The phone service of course sucked, lol because that’s just how things go. While Dr. Jaffe was looking around in my uterus to make sure that everything was good, it turned out that there was another embryo (OMG TWO EMBRYOS), but before you get too excited, the second embryo stopped growing a week and a half prior (so at 5 and a half weeks), when I was bleeding.

She explained that more than likely, thats what all of my bleeding was from. I asked if I should be worried about this baby being effected by the embryo that had stopped growing. She told me that they refer to it as Vanishing twin syndrome and that I had nothing to worry about. She told me that by my next ultrasound, it should be absorbed and shouldn’t cause any problems. She released me to my OB/GYN, and told me to continue the progesterone until the end of my 12th week of pregnancy, and wished me the best of luck.

OMG We’re having a baby!

XIII. 2 Week Wait, Puppies, and Gavin

Making Baby Mettler

The Saturday after the insemination, we went to pick up the puppies. And they’re sooooo damn adorable!!

But let me telll you, having two puppies is wayyy more challenging than just one! lol They’re just lucky that they’re cute.

A few days later, we went on a road trip to North Carolina to pick up Gavin! It was a quick turn around trip and we came back the next day with a 9 year old in tow. He LOVED the puppies. But… a 9 year old and two 6 week old puppies makes for a veryyyy interesting time! We swam in a blow up pool in the backyard, played with puppies, and spent more time outside than anything else…. because covid…

By the time I actually got a second to breathe, the two week wait was over… I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and couldn’t wait another second… and this happened…

omg omg omg omg omg

I woke Steph up in a panic and shoved my pee stick in her face… I just stood there in shock… I expected a negative… she laid there in silence and just said “whhhhat?? is this real?” and I stood there and said “I don’t know! That’s why I’m waking you up at 4:30 in the morning!” lol I laid back down in bed and we just kind of laid there with this excitement that we couldn’t describe. While in the same breath, being scared to actually be that excited because what if this wasn’t real.

At 8am when the doctors office opened, I called them to schedule a blood test for that morning and made it there in less than 30 minutes, lol, and of course, they didn’t call back with the results until like 4pm!!! I was sitting next to Gavin when they called. I had it on speaker because I wanted Steph to hear the results. When they confirmed that I was pregnant Gavin jumped around for joy and me and Steph just smiled at each other with this look of fear and excitement. We knew anything could happen and we were afraid to get too excited.

They told me which vitamins to stop taking (vitamin E, Turmeric, St. John’s Wart, green tea extract – but be sure to check with your dr. obviously), and to keep taking the progesterone, and that I needed to come back two days later for a follow up blood test to be sure everything was progressing as it was supposed to.

Two days later, I went to give my blood to the fertility vampires. And we are definitely pregnant! For now. *crossing our fingers and holding our breath*


Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$20,135.05

XII. Ef these emotions – IUI #5

Making Baby Mettler

The 4th IUI didn’t work. We know this will happen when it’s supposed to happen, but it doesn’t make this anyyyy easier.

This month, we have so much going on, that maybe this 5th one will be easier. There won’t be any down time or time to even feel any of the emotions. Gavin is coming to spend 10 days with us, and I got a phone call from the breeder that Willow is deaf. She said that we could get the puppies at 6 weeks instead of 8 so that we have more time to train a deaf puppy. This means that we get to pick up the puppies right before Gavin gets here! Two puppies and a 9 years old should be JUST distracting enough for our two week wait that it should go by in a flash.

This cycle started like every other one. I went back to the fertility office on CD 2 and everything was normal. I ordered the trigger that day (by now we’ve learned our lesson, LOL). I called to order the sperm the next day, and they told me that the sperm I wanted was actually out of stock (what a weird sentence) and that I would need to choose another donor. I called Steph and asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she didn’t care as long as he had dark hair and light eyes, lol.

I went on their website and picked one that stood out to me.. I didn’t have any time to actually sit there and read everything about him, but I sent the link to Steph and told her to read it when she got the chance. I called NW Cryo back, ordered this donor on a whim, and laughed once I hung up because of how routine this has all gotten.

I went in on CD 10 for a follicle scan, and this time I had two follicles. One was 16.4mm and the other was 18mm. They told me to trigger that night for Insemination on Wednesday CD 12. Steph still couldn’t come in, so once again, I was all alone. But I had the most amazingggg Nurse practitioner. She sat with me the whole time afterwards so that I didn’t have to go through it alone. We sat and talked about Apollo because she was talking about rescuing a Great Dane. We talked about the puppies, and I cried about how much of an emotional toll this has taken on the two of us.

She told me that she had such a great feeling about this time, and that everything had gone absolutely perfect. I told her that I wanted to believe that so so so much, but that it was getting hard to expect anything other than a negative at this point. She held my hand and told me to just believe and try and have a little patience. I left there feeling like there was some sort of light left and that this was all going to be okay.

Fingers crossed and lets bring on this two week wait!

Baby Journey cost:
Sperm plus shipping: $835 Femara:$20 Pregnyl:$140
Insemination: $350
Follicle scan copay x2 : $90
Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$20,135.05

XI. Back on the fertility train for Sam’s 4th go round

Making Baby Mettler

Now that we took a well deserved break, it was time to get back to this baby making thing!

It started out like every other cycle, in on CD 2 for an Ovary check, all good, come back on CD 10 for a Follicle scan.. yada yada yada.

This time, so that I didn’t go through that whole mess of ordering things at the last second, that next day, I called and ordered the trigger shot from SMP for next day delivery and the sperm for a three day delivery. We also found out that the shipping had gone up by $65 for the sperm during our break.. which was just fantastic news lol.

That night when I checked my email for a shipping update, it said that the trigger shot was in Tennessee…. I was supppper confused because why would it be in Tennessee when it was shipping from Miami to Orlando? The next morning I called SMP and they told me that that is just “how Fedex routes their packages”, and that Nashville was experiencing severe weather and that my package would more than likely take a few extra days to get here… I went into a bit of a panic because the trigger shot is in a box with ice packs since it is supposed to be kept below a certain temperature and then it’s stored in the refrigerator until you use it. They told me that if it arrived and it was no longer cold, that I could request a refund and that they would send a new one out once the storm had cleared in Nashville.

I tried to take some deep breaths and figured, if worse came to worst, I could always have a local pharmacy order it… (slowly getting flashbacks of last time we ordered the trigger shot)

The next day, I got an update from NW cryobank about the shipping delay on the sperm. It was stuck.. in Nashville… in the storm…

This is when I Freaked out.. the sperm is NOT cheap.. and it’s in a tank that is good for 5 days. And then it would be useless. I called NW Cryo to see what I could do, and she told me that their tanks are usually good longer than that, but that they can only guarantee 5 days. The woman from NW Cryo was so kind and understanding and assured me they would do everything in their power to help me out. But that didn’t really calm my nerves.. this whole thing is so time sensitive and if this didn’t work out in time, we would be skipping this cycle.

On Thursday, CD 9, everything was still in Nashville. I went to Publix to see if there was any way they could order a trigger shot for me and have it there the next day. I cried to the pharmacist like a crazy person and she told me that of course she could, that she would order it even without a prescription being sent but that they had to have the prescription in order for me to pick it up… I left there feeling a little bit of relief even though the price went from $160 that I pay to SMP, to $490 at Publix (yikes).

Come Friday, on CD 10, the sperm and the trigger shot were still in Nashville. I went to my appointment and our regular Sonographer wasn’t there so I didn’t get to find out what size my follicles were right there and then. I went online to check on the status of everything, and NO movement. When the Doctors office called me back they told me that my follicles were only at 12mm and to come back on Tuesday CD 14 to check on them again (WHAT kind of magic was happening here).

The weekend came and went, and then on Monday, MAGICALLY, the trigger shot showed up! Still cold enough since it had been stuck in a frozen tundra apparently! I took a breath, called Publix and told them thank you but I didn’t need the Pregnyl from them, and kept my fingers crossed that the Sperm would do the same thing.

Tuesday came and I went in to check on my follicles. 18mm! They told me to trigger that night between 6-8pm. For insemination Thursday morning. I told them that I would, but if the sperm didn’t somehow manage to show up that next day, that I would have to skip this cycle. That night we triggered and hoped for the best.

The next afternoon, I got a notification that the sperm had showed up followed by a phone call from the doctors office that it was still completely frozen!!!! I hung up and just stood there in shock. Whatttt are the odds???

The next day, on CD 16, I went in for an insemination. Steph still can’t come in- thanks Covid. And now, we wait another two weeks. It feels like because everything worked out like it did… this time just has to work. Right?

Oh and some other big news on the Horizon, we decided that since we can’t seem to get babies, we might as well get puppies. Meet Willow and Kylo.

We can’t have them for 8 weeks though. So it will still be a bit.

Baby Journey cost:
Sperm plus shipping: $835 Femara:$20 Pregnyl:$140
Insemination: $350
Follicle scan copay x3 : $135
Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$18,700.05

X. Samantha 3rd cycle- results and our decisions

Making Baby Mettler

We for sureeeee thought this time was going to work. Everything seemed right.. and we were wrong. When the test came back negative, it started to feel like we were almost expecting a negative since this was the 10th time we have been through this.

Corona is starting to take its toll on top of everything else. And we decided to take a break over the holidays. We wanted to just enjoy each other and get a handle on our emotions.

We took a trip to DC to see my family, fell in love with a new coffee shop, celebrated our three year wedding anniversary, cooked Thanksgiving dinner at our house, went to a Christmas light show at Leu Gardens, went to a great wedding, and made some new friends.

The year ended with so many amazing memories and we were so happy with our choice to take a little break from all of this fertility stuff for a bit.


Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$17,220.05

IX. Samantha – Third cycle +insem

Making Baby Mettler

Third times a charm?

This time, I started my cycle on a Saturday so I wasn’t able to do an ovary scan until Monday which was cycle day 3. The last two cycles were done on day 2. Not like that really makes a difference buuuut still.

Everything was all good. No cysts and I started the Femara that night. Again, two 2.5mg pills between 6-8pm for five days. Only difference this time, is that since my follicle was already 22mm by cd 11 last time, they scheduled me to come in for a follicle scan on cd 10 so that they could catch my follicle while it was smaller than that.

This time, we made sure to have the trigger shot and sperm BEFORE that appointment so that we didn’t run into the same crazy as last time. We tried to call CVS and Publix for the Pregnyl since it was $30 cheaper through them. But it was on back order through their supplier for 2ish months, which for sure didn’t work. So we decided to go through SMP pharmacy again. 🙄

When we called to order the sperm, they told us that they had run out of the donor we had been using. 🤷🏻‍♀️ we went back to the donor search, and ended up finding the CUTEST little boy. Who strangely enough, looks almost identical to my cousins little boy that stole my heart since the first day I held him in my arms. So we ordered that sperm instead! But since it was a Friday and they don’t do same day shipping right now (thanks again corona) we had to pay more shipping to be sure it was at the office in time…

That next afternoon, my mom called and said that she was making eggs that morning and cracked open an egg with a double yolk. She said that she had never seen that before, so she looked it up, and in Scandinavian culture, it means someone close to you will have twins. She called just to tell me how neat she thought that was, and I told her I mean, it’s possible and I’d find out on Monday how many follicles I had.

Then later on that evening Steph and I were on our way to my cousins house, and Steph was reading the donors extended profile in the car. I told her something about how i think the donor has a brother. When she got to that part of the profile, she said ya he had a brother, but then the next question was whether or not twins run in his family. To which he replied “yes. I’m a fraternal twin. And my dad is also a fraternal twin to his sister.” I looked over at Steph and said, Ummmm what?!… and then it clicked that fraternal twins can’t actually be genetic when they come from the males side… but it was still SUPER strange and I had to call my mom and tell her how odd this all was!

Cycle day 10 came around on Monday and I went in for a follicle scan. This time, I had one follicle that was 20mm (perfect!), they called and told me to do the trigger shot that night at 8pm and to come in Wednesday at 1pm for an insemination. I asked if there was an earlier appointment because that seemed kinda late, but they told me that was the first available appointment. After adding up the hours we decided to take what the old fertility office that we used to go to had said about it being better for the sperm to be sitting there waiting than it is to have the egg sitting there waiting for them to get to it since the egg doesn’t live as long, and so we did the trigger shot at 11pm instead to give the sperm a little bit of extra time to hang out! Lol they told us before that wouldn’t hurt anything!

Insemination day came, and the nurse practitioner that did this insemination was the nurse that we loved because she went through this herself and actually got pregnant with twins her 6th iui 😁 she is the nurse who inseminated Steph the one time that it actually took for a hot sec, so we feel like she’s some sort of good luck ❤️ Once she was done, she said that was the most perfect insemination and that I needed to lay there with my legs together for the next 10 minutes, and to start progesterone inserts two days later and to continue them until the 12th week of pregnancy if I have a positive test.

When she left me there on my own, the bones by Megan Morris and hozier started playing on the overhead speakers, and tears just kind of started rolling down my face. This baby making stuff is soooo damn emotional!

For whatever reason, we have a really good feeling about this one. Something feels different. There are so many strange signs, and just things that we cannot explain. I guess we will find out whether or not these feelings are legit or not at the end of this two week wait. But I’m choosing to only put good into the universe this time and say that this one is going to work.

Baby Journey cost:
Sperm plus shipping: $880 Femara:$20 Pregnyl:$140
Insemination: $350
Follicle scan copay x2 : $90
Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$17,220.05

VIII. Samantha – second cycle, 2 week wait and results

Making Baby Mettler

This 2 week wait has been…..something! To say the least.

Once again, bring on the tears. Thanks Progesterone.

During this two week wait, Chrissy Teigen lost her baby. Which absolutelyyy wrecked me. After everything we have been through and as emotional as this journey had been, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how she was feeling. I felt for her and her family sooo hard and cried for days over it.

I had a birthday, which involved a pretty incredible Frozen themed trip to Magic Kingdom, a super personalized car message followed by a car wash by my “house elves”, and a fantastic dinner where I thought Heather was for sure going to get us kicked out. IYKYK.

And then later that week, we let our Great Dane Apollo outside and when he came back in, we realized there was a strange bump on his front knee. I thought maybe something had bitten him, so I gave him a Benadryl and put an ice pack on his leg. Two days later the knot was still there, only it was now this giant knob on his leg. We googled it, and it said that one of the biggest killers of older Danes was Osteosarcoma… (bone cancer) and it was exactly what they described.. everything I read said that it was the most painful kind of cancer and that it grows so fast that there’s almost nothing they can do about it aside from amputation.

The thing is, my great dane was 12 years old.. and there was no way he would be able to make it on 3 legs… I called the vet and they were able to fit me in two days later.. which happened to land on the same day that I would find out the results of the pregnancy test. When I got to the Vet, she assured me that it was indeed Osteosarcoma and that with Apollo’s age and how fast this cancer grows, that it could be a matter of days before the knot grew large enough to snap his leg in half. She explained that my only real option at this point was to put him down… that she could prescribe me pain meds to try and keep him comfortable.. but that that option was dangerous and unfair.. and that if his leg snapped, I’d be dealing with a 160 pound dog with a broken leg in unimaginable pain… so I set my own feelings aside, and made the right choice for my boy. We said a sad goodbye to Apollo that afternoon.

To add fuel to the fire, about two hours after I had gotten home from this terrible day, the doctors office called to tell me that the test was negative and that I was not pregnant.

Needless to say, this cycle would go down in the books as a doozy.


Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$15,740.05

VII. Samantha – second cycle and insemination

Making Baby Mettler

Well, after the last cycle, we now know to follow directions 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ you live and you learn right?

So cycle day 2, I went in for an ovary scan. Requested Suzie permanently since she’s a thick girl and she knows our struggles 💁🏻‍♀️ everything was all good and she sent in my prescriptions for Pregnyl and Femara. And I’ll be back again on CD 11 to see how these follicles are growing.

We ordered the sperm the next day, But because of the last cycle and how small my follicles were on CD 11, I figured I had a little more time to order the trigger shot. SMP orders “next day shipping” for free for people who live in Florida. I was veryyyy wrong…

I went in on CD 11 at 7am and then we went to Epcot for the day (Disney, at this point was at limited capacity, so all the parks were EMPTY which has been the only positive outcome with corona). Around 2pm – while we were traipsing through Canada at Epcot – the doctors office called and my follicle was at 22mm (insert the *surprised* emoji here). They told me to trigger tonight between 6-8pm and to come in on CD 13 for insemination – just 2 days later!! I told them that I hadn’t even ordered my trigger shot and asked if they could send the prescription over to a local pharmacy… at which time, she told me that most of them don’t carry it….. I asked if I could call her back, and then panic set in. I freaked out for a second and couldn’t understand why this follicle grew so fast, but then I pulled my head out of my butt and decided we had work to do to be able to figure this out!

We sat at Epcot on the bench and called every local pharmacy in the area to see if ANYONE had it in stock. After about 17 phone calls, we found a CVS inside of a Target in Winter Garden, about 45 min away from Disney, that just happened to have it in stock because someone else ordered it and never ended up picking it up… We rushed our way through Disney as fast as we could and flew to the CVS. We made it there by 7:30pm.. After we got out of the store and back to the car, I looked at the time and it was 7:45pm. I wouldn’t make it home in time to do the trigger by 8pm, so we did the next thing we could think of. I leaned the seat back in the car, and looked like a junkie shooting up in a Target parking lot. People were staring at the car trying to figure out what was going on and we just kept joking about the story we were going to tell this child of how they were made.

CD 13 I went in for my insemination, and once again, poor Steph had to sit in the car in the parking lot while I laid up in that room all by myself. Backstreet Boys “I want it that way” was playing and I just laid there and laughed to myself about this wholeeeee cycle.

Baby Journey cost:
Sperm plus shipping: $770 Femara:$20 Pregnyl at CVS:$180 Insemination: $350
Follicle scan copay x2 : $90
Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$15,740.05

VI. Sam’s first Two week wait + results

Making Baby Mettler

During this wait, we wanted to try and stay busy. So we made the glorious decision to go to Animal kingdom on a day that the heat index was 107 degrees… We didn’t even thinkkkk to look at the weather, we just decided to go… We had a great time that morning, but as the sun crept up, we became very very aware of how little shade Animal Kingdom has. Around about 1pm we decided that we could not take that heat anymore and made the trek across the parking lot back to our car… and let me just say, that without trams and literally NO shade, it felt like we were walking in the desert and kept seeing mirages like we were Fievel and Tiger in Fievel Goes West.

– word to the wise, check the weather before you go to Disney.-

And another thing, Progesterone is NO joke. I spent the entire two weeks crying about absolutely NOTHING. My body didn’t know whaaat to do with this extra hormone lol. 10/10 do not recommend.

The two weeks came and went after a million tears. We tried to keep in mind that this time veryyyy well may not work because of my lovely idea of overdosing my follicle. But when that Negative result came, it was still a really huge blow. No matter how much you think you’re prepared and that you’re a totally logical person and that you understand the odds of an IUI procedure working, it still suckkkkks!

Until next time!


Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$14,330.05

V. Sam’s first IUI part 3

Making Baby Mettler

Ovary scan day! And my one follicle grew to a 28! 😬 whoops!

The doctors office called around 11am. She said that my follicle COULD be too mature, but it mighhhht be totally fine and that was up to me…I said we would take the chance. So she said to do the trigger shot right then, and that my insemination would be the very next day at 1pm.

Just hearing that made things sooooo real! It meant I could be carrying our child in the next week! I have to admit that it was a little scary because prior to this it was all just an idea and a hope that it would happen. And now it was a reality that could happen NOW!

So on cycle day 16, I went in for my IUI and learned that my long torso meant that my cervix was further back and that i needed a longer speculum to be inseminated 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ sorry if that’s TMI, but it’s apparently a real thing and other women should know they aren’t alone.

The doctor said that it was a perfect insemination and again repeated that this follicle very well could be too mature, but that we would know for sure in 2 weeks! She scheduled an appointment for one week later to test my progesterone levels to determine whether or not I would do progesterone inserts.

Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 and now we start my body’s first two week wait.

Update: My progesterone was not as high as the doctor would have liked. And she started me on progesterone inserts… which are nottttt fun at all!!

Baby Journey cost:
Insemination: $350
Follicle scan copay: $45
Total baby-making cost to d
ate:$14,330.05